The Need to Be Seen

Can we stop pretending that external validation doesn’t matter?

This post is for you if you’ve ever felt torn between wanting to be acknowledged and feeling like you shouldn’t care what others think.

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You’ve heard the advice, Don’t seek validation from others—find it within yourself. And while that’s noble in theory, let’s be honest—you crave to be seen, recognized, and understood. Denying that is denying the human experience.

Pretending that external validation doesn’t matter is a lie you tell yourself to appear strong, independent, or above it. Wanting to be acknowledged is completely natural.

Here’s why:

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Evolutionary Roots
Your ancestors survived and thrived in groups. Being seen and accepted meant belonging—and belonging meant safety, resources, and protection. Those who were isolated or rejected faced greater risks. So, the need for validation evolved as a survival mechanism.

Identity Formation
You shape your sense of self through relationships with others. From infancy, you rely on caregivers to mirror your emotions and experiences, helping you understand who you are. Being seen by others helps you integrate different parts of yourself and build a cohesive identity.

Emotional Connection
Humans are wired for connection. Being acknowledged makes you feel valued, respected, and safe. It fulfills your deep need for love and belonging, reinforcing that you matter.

Social Learning and Growth
Feedback—both positive and negative—helps you learn and grow. External validation can guide you, showing you how your actions land and helping you align with your values and goals.

Meaning and Purpose
Being seen often reinforces your sense of purpose. When others recognize your efforts, it tells you that what you’re doing matters—not just to you, but to the world around you.

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But here’s where external validation can trip you up:

When your entire worth is built on external validation—when every compliment, like, or acknowledgment feels like the only thing keeping you afloat—your sense of self becomes fragile. Like a house of cards, it can collapse the moment the applause fades and the likes stop rolling in.

That’s why cultivating a strong inner worth is so essential. When you know who you are, what you value, and why you do what you do, external validation becomes a healthy supplement rather than your only fuel. It’s like adding color to a painting that’s already beautiful in black and white.

So stop pretending. You do need to be seen—and that’s okay. But build your inner worth strong enough that being seen feels like an addition to, not the foundation of, your identity. That’s when you shine from the inside out.

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An Exercise in Cultivating Inner Worth and Receiving External Validation

Here’s one simple thing you can do for inner worth, and one for external validation, to keep you balanced and elevate your life:

Inner Worth
At the start of each day, ask yourself: What do I value about myself today, independent of what others think? Write down 2-3 qualities or actions you’re proud of (e.g., “I showed up for a friend,” “I finished a challenging project,” “I stayed calm in a stressful situation”).

External Validation
Keep the kudos. Create a note or document where you gather all the compliments, likes, and kind words you receive. We forget these so easily. Save them for a rainy day.

By practicing this regularly, you’ll start to appreciate both your own value and the healthy role that being seen plays in your life—without letting it define your entire self.

If you’d love a beautiful journal to capture these daily reflections, I made one just for you. It includes prompts like these and more. Plus, it’s available as a gift set with mirror work affirmation cards. Shop here.