aesthetics as therapy
if you like having things a certain way, your home, your hair, your plate, this is for you.
if you like having things a certain way, your home, your hair, your plate, this is for you.
part 1: am i becoming my father?
as a millennial virgo, i've always been drawn to beautiful things. but i've become even more particular with age. my favorite activity nowadays is nesting. i call it my mediterranean martha era. on a random tuesday afternoon you can find me in flow state, creating spaces in my house, tidying, organizing. i've also attained a new level of clarity about how i like my clothes to look and feel, how i do my hair. my skin and makeup routine is minimal but meticulously curated. i plate food for my family like i'm applying for a michelin star.
one day recently i was out of town. my fiancé and father-in-law decided to do me a favor and shaved my mini goldendoodle. he was overdue for grooming, it was getting hot. they left his head, paws, and privates untouched, trying to be careful. when i saw him, i had a panic attack. i took him straight to the groomer. i couldn’t look at him without my nervous system flaring until he was put back together.
I started to wonder… why do all these superficial things matter so much to me?
am i becoming my father, whose house is always spotless?
perhaps i am developing a subtle form of ocd? becoming vain?
maybe it's a little combination of all of the above.
but mostly, it's something else entirely.
part 2: aesthetics as nervous system regulation
when i got home from being out of town for two weeks i couldn’t sit down. my fiancé begged me to come have a seat on the couch with him, but i physically could not. things were out of place. from eleven pm to one am i went from room to room like a psycho fixing it up. and when i finally went to rest, a feeling of peace took over my body.
it didn’t take much digging to understand the science behind it.
when your environment is cluttered, your brain reads the disorder as unfinished business. researchers at Princeton found that the more objects in your visual field, the harder your prefrontal cortex has to work to filter them out, creating cognitive load. this overload elevates cortisol. a study from UCLA’s Center on Everyday Lives of Families found that women living in cluttered homes had persistently higher cortisol levels throughout the day.
the same thing happens when you don’t feel put together in your body. when you choose clothes that fit how you want to move, when your hair feels intentional, when you’ve made a choice about how you show up. that’s information you’re giving your nervous system that you’re organized, that you’re ready, that things are in order.
Yale neuroscientists showed that visual clutter alters how information flows in your brain. removing that chaos frees up mental resources. an ordered environment, an ordered appearance, both activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the part that governs rest and recovery. your body can settle because it’s not constantly scanning for threat.
part 3: why now
i spent my late twenties moving around. then in 2024 i landed on the farm. for the first time in a long time, I feel grounded. my nervous system finally knows it.
when you don’t have control over many things in life, you reach for what you can control. maybe it’s a little nook in your house, or how you plate your food that day. it’s not about perfection or rules, it’s about doing things in a way that tickles your brain.
perhaps with age i am becoming more like my dad. there may be some subtle ocd compulsions developing. and i do take great pride in how my home looks, how i look.
but above all, caring about the little things is a reflection of my greatest value.
inner peace.